


I Can't Risk It

by SaiiborumaSupremacy



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), F/M, Flashbacks, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Nightmares, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 11:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30021189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaiiborumaSupremacy/pseuds/SaiiborumaSupremacy
Summary: Shuichi is always staying up too late, and one night, or early morning, rather, Kaede catches them up late.Kaede asks why they aren't asleep at the time, and Shuichi has to explain why.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede & Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	I Can't Risk It

It's two a.m.  
Two fucking a.m.  
Shuichi was impatiently staring at the clock, ticking every second, waiting for the morning announcement.  
Staring out the large window, which only the pale silver-gray moonlight shown through the glass panes, and the sight of the endless thick inky-black blanket of the night sky and stars lie outside of the window.  
At this point, Shuichi was so tired that it didn't even bother them anymore. At this point, they were used to it.  
It's not like they *didn't* want to sleep though, they were just... _scared._  
The nightmares and the flashbacks, they always occurred while Shuichi slept. That's what made them so scared. And they felt as if trying to get someone for comfort was cowardly, or if they wouldn't want to waste any time on them anymore, or even, if it made them hate them. Shuichi didn't want to show their fear.  
The detective got startled when they heard echoed footsteps approach from behind them.  
"Shuichi...?" It was Kaede's voice, slurred with exhaustion. "What are you doing here...?"  
"I could ask the same of you." Shuichi turned to the pianist, who was wearing a long white nightgown and pink slip-ons.  
"I couldn't sleep. What about you?" Kaede approached Shuichi and sat down next to them for a moment.  
"Ah, well..." Shuichi was lost for words.  
"No wonder you're always tired, it's because you're out and about this late- or, this early, rather." Kaede softly giggled.  
"Ahaha, yeah..." Shuichi returned their gaze back outside of the window panes.  
Kaede looked out the windows as well. "...The night sky is pretty, huh?"

"Yeah." Shuichi plainly answered.  


It was pretty. The stars glittered like small checkpoints of some sort, it was hard to describe them. The sky mixed together into a dark indigo-turquoise-blue color, and the white little specks of stars.  
"So, uh," Kaede went back to the original topic. "why are you still awake?"  
"..." Shuichi stayed silent. "I feel like if I told you, your entire opinion on me would lower. By a lot."  
"No, it won't!" Kaede quickly denied. "I trust you, Shuichi. And you know you can trust me too, right?"  
"...Yeah, I know that, it's just-" Shuichi cut themselves off with a sigh. "I feel like it makes me seem weaker than everyone else. Like, I'm a lesser being."  
"I wish I understood." Kaede sympathized. "But, can you tell me? ...please?"  
Shuichi sighed again, and took their gaze away from Kaede's. "Yeah, I'll tell you..."  
"I... usually have nightmares or flashbacks whenever I sleep. Sometimes, they even hurt me physically." Shuichi explained.  
"Hurt you... physically?" Kaede asked with a tremor. "Shuichi, look at me."  
It took the detective a brief moment before slowly turning to face Kaede.  
"They can hurt you *physically*?" Kaede repeated her question. "How so...?"  
"...I'd rather not talk about it, those are more of the flashbacks though, and that's all I'll explain."  
"...Alright then." The pianist glanced down. "What do you usually see in your nightmares?"  
"It's usually about..." Shuichi trailed off. "things that have happened in my past, and I try my best to escape it, but- there's no end to it. I'm endlessly trying to escape, but there's no way out. I always end up getting hurt or falling into an endless void... it happens every. Single. Time." Shuichi had gotten mad at themselves and began to cry. "I'm sick of it! I don't want to have to experience that anymore! That's why I can't sleep! No matter what!" They sobbed.  
"Shuichi..." Kaede sounded so shocked yet so calm. "I... I never knew. Why didn't you tell me?"  
"I was scared! I thought you'd think I was a coward!"  
"Shuichi, I'd never-" After Kaede said that, she stuttered a few times, unable to form any words. She gave up, and pulled Shuichi in for a hug. "... Calm down, okay?"  
Shuichi buried their face in Kaede's shoulder and returned her hug.  
"I don't wanna be scared again... I don't wanna be trapped again..." Shuichi repeated.  
"Hey, you don't need to be scared, cry all you need to. It's good for you." Kaede consoled.  
Shuichi continued to sob for a few minutes, repeating what they had said.  
_"I don't wanna be scared again... I don't wanna be trapped again..."_ The detective kept repeating. They were clearly scared, maybe even traumatized. That was probably most likely.

"You feel better now?" Kaede asked after Shuichi pulled away from her.  
"Yeah..." Shuichi calmly confirmed. "I still... can't sleep. I don't want to risk it. I *can't* risk it." They shook their head.  
"Hey, I think I have a solution." Kaede looked into Shuichi's golden, tear soaked eyes.  
"You do?" Shuichi returned her gaze.  
"Yeah. It might not be the best solution, but, it should help." Kaede took a quick glance out the window without moving her head, then back at Shuichi. "I'll leave the door to my dorm unlocked, and whenever you have a nightmare or flashback, you come get me, okay?" She explained. "I'm sure I can talk Kaito into doing the same, too, if you'd rather talk to him sometimes."  
"Kaito...?" Shuichi queried. "It's n-not that I think he'll say no, but, he'd probably deal with it... _differently,_ you know?"  
"Yeah, I get that." Kaede nodded. "Still, you two seem to get along pretty well and he seems eager to help you, but if you don't want him to know, I won't tell him."  
"I'll tell him when I'm ready." Shuichi answered. "Just... not yet."  
"Alright, fair enough..." Kaede accepted. "Anyways, you should sleep, and.. I should too."  
"I agree, I've been wanting to sleep for so long." Shuichi agreed.  
"Yeah. You need it." Kaede urged. "Anyways, come on, let's go."  
The pianist turned and stood, looking back and waiting for Shuichi.  
It took them a moment but they eventually unsteadily stood and followed Kaede to the dorms.  
"Tell me if you need me, okay?" Kaede reassured. "My door is unlocked."  
"Alright." Shuichi nodded.  
"Goodnight Shuichi." Kaede pushed her door open.  
"Goodnight." Shuichi returned, before stepping into their own door as well.


End file.
